


More Than You Could Ever Know

by azyren1004



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Car Accidents, Character Death, Christianity, God? - Freeform, Heaven, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Beta ;-;, Psychics, Swear Words, also a REAL nasty break up, i am so sorry chenji, i wouldn't call them morally ambigous but they aren't exactly saints either, just hoomans being hoomans, lots and lots of tears, yes renmin are psychics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azyren1004/pseuds/azyren1004
Summary: After a nasty argument where words were thrown, hearts were broken and friendship was lost, Jisung dies in a car crash. Determined to make sure that "I wish I never met you" is not the last thing he will ever say to him, Chenle finds a way to contact him from the dead so he could possibly, rectify his mistake.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Love Dream 2020





	More Than You Could Ever Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amreuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amreuse/gifts).



> One thing I love to do with my fics is make my characters flawed, make them imperfect and make them human. So disclaimer ahead that you should not mirror the actions of any of these characters. They should not be idealised, as they have things that can make them inherently good, bad. Their relationship may be toxic or they may be madly in love depending on the standards of the people who read it. Also these characters in no way, shape or form mirror the real-life idols. Thank you to the mods for running the fest and thank you to the great pinch hitter amreuse that will be receiving this fic, this is for you! :)

  
  
  


Jisung stares at Chenle, confused as papers fly around him. He looks livid, arm still raised as he grits under his teeth.

“You got an offer for LA? And you didn’t even tell me?” 

Jisung’s eyes slightly widen in shock as he fails to comprehend the situation, glasses slipping off his nose. He scrambles to a sitting position. To him, it came out of the blue. The last time he spoke to Chenle he appeared fine. They watched a movie together while snuggled in their blankets, they were happy in their little shared apartment as all couples in their early twenties are. He loved him with all his heart and vice versa. And he had worked hard to hide that contract. 

It was for a spot in their dance crew. They approached him during a national dance competition and managed to offer him a contract after him fanboying for a solid thirty minutes. Alas, if Jisung were 3 years younger, he would have taken it in a heartbeat, but since he also liked the life he built with Chenle, he was hesitant. They had thrust the papers in his hand anyway told him to think about it and it’s been rotting at the bottom of his drawer since. He had no idea how he found it.

“Answer me Jisung. Why didn’t you tell me?” Chenle tilts his head towards the offending documents “It’s to join Kinjaz. Your dream dance crew. You always wanted to join the best team in the world, especially this team, don’t you dare tell me it’s not worth telling. Hell, It was offered weeks ago. You had more than enough time to, we live together for fucks sake.” 

Jisung closes his laptop and stows it away, pushing up his glasses, facing his lover’s angry eyes and sighing.

“I thought you didn’t want to move away from here. I was going to reject it” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Jisung knew he had just thrown gallons of fuel into the fire as the other adopted a red glow. He could almost see the steam pouring out his ears.

“And who said you could just…. assume what I think?” 

Taken aback by the snappy response, Jisung could only openly gape as he tried to think his way around the situation. He was caught off guard, and can only scramble through the depths of his mind to find out where exactly he went wrong. He carded through his memories as one rifles through their important files, but he only draws blanks as he grows more nervous.

“Chenle.” 

“I would’ve told you to go. God, do you think that lowly of me that I would stop you from achieving your dreams?” Chenle’s voice trembles, layered thick with hurt “What I’m angry about is that you kept this from me!” 

“Chenle.”

Chenle steps closer, to the point their noses almost touch and Jisung freezes in place as Chenle leans in. 

“Let me guess, there are other things I don’t know about?” 

The room falls into a perpetuated, tense silence, which for both parties feel like an eternity before Jisung reacts.

“You’re overreacting Lele” Jisung musters his strength to reach out a hand to Chenle’s cheek “Calm do-”

“Jisung, do you not trust me?” 

He flinches, as if burned and Chenle’s eyes dull, as if he had come to a realisation. Jisung increasingly becomes nervous, hating where this conversation was going as Chenle stumbles back, backing away until he is holding onto the armrest of a wooden chair behind him. He leans against it, almost as if he was in physical pain.

“I just wanted to make you happy. I-I-”

He cuts him off with a screech of a chair and slumps into it and they both stare at each other from across the bed, suffering in the thick, telling silence, and in those minutes. Jisung also comes to an epiphany. 

No matter how much they loved each other, over the years they had inevitably broken down. Three years of love and a nearly decade of friendship, and this was what they were reduced to. He doesn’t know how to cope with the realisation. Did he know how to live without the other? 

He is snapped out of his thoughts as Chenle lets a sardonic laugh cut through the air. Jisung also begins to tear up as Chenle covers his eyes with his palm.

“Fuck, what have we become Sungie?” Chenle cuts in as a sole tear slides down his cheek “You used to tell me everything. We used to be confidantes, best friends forever,” his voice grows smaller, more broken “Soulmates”. 

Jisung stills in shock. He doesn’t move an inch. He doesn’t move to console him, doesn’t push to resolve the situation. He just sat there, head tilted down and eyes blank, as if rooted there and that is when Chenle’s last thread of restraint broke. He scoffs. 

“There you go again, withdrawing away from the problem. You ignore me while I’m angry at you and then we don’t go anywhere. Every, single, time.” 

As quickly as it came, Chenle’s pain quickly converts to rage as all his pent up frustration balls up in his throat and bubbles to the surface, and Chenle falls into the gaping abyss of resentment as he mutters.

“I’m sick of this, Jisung.” 

The air gets impossibly thicker, and not being able to stand it, Chenle lets himself erupt, screaming in anger, each word with every intention to burn.

“You used to treat me so well, pay so much attention to me. You used to make time for me! But now you never come home on time, you never clean up after yourself, hell, you never have time to even have a conversation with me! Let alone cuddle me! The last time you even said a word to me was four days ago! You do so much that just makes me so angry! And now we just argue all the time and you don’t even listen… and just…. and just….. **ugh I hate you so much**!” 

Chenle is too angry to notice the tears that were streaming down Jisung’s face, his eyes too blurry with his own. Jisung shakes in his place, fist clenched. 

“You should have told me you hated me.” his eyes gain clarity as he roars “so I could of actually **done something** instead of having you stew around in your own emotions!”

Chenle freezes, expression indignant.

“Excuse me??” 

Jisung’s rage comes in crashing waves, his voice cracks and he screams and screams some more. The dam breaks, lashing out his frustration like a whip as he glares Chenle down. 

“If you weren’t so wrapped up in your own big head, you could have seen that I’m trying my best. You know I’ve been busy! So I wanted to pull my own weight around here and make more money! So I need to put in more hours to do that! Is it my fault that I ‘assumed’ that you had enough security, enough faith in us that you didn’t require constant attention? Is it my fault that I wasn’t born with a fucking trust fund?” 

  
  


It was a sore spot for them. Both he knew it and Chenle knew it. But he was just so confused, outraged and hurt by his sudden antagonization that he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. Chenle brings his arms to his sides and like Jisung, clenches them into fists. 

“I make my own money! And what you’re doing is emotionally neglecting me! If you loved me that much, you wouldn’t do that to me!” 

“Well, maybe if you stop acting like this," He gestures to the air "We can work this out!” 

“Acting??? Acting like what?" Chenle's voice takes on a shrill quality as his pupils blow "Did I ever ask you to keep stuff from me?” 

Their breathing gets heavier and heavier. They keep arguing, their relationship unravel like a mere ball of yarn. Tensions get higher, emotions spike and they only get louder and louder. They tore each other apart, chipping off more and more with every word. Jisung is shaking in his place and Chenle's hands yank at his own hair.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t born as rich as you! I’m sorry I don’t want to freeload off of you! I’m sorry I don’t earn **nearly** as much as you” 

“You told me money would never define our relationship!” 

“Really? Are you serious? Wake up Chenle! Even if it doesn’t define it, you couldn’t actually believe money would never be a fa-”

“ **FUCK, I WISH I NEVER MET YOU!** ” 

Everything stops, the air stills. Chenle comes to his senses and covers his mouth, horrified as Jisung abruptly stands up with an expression that could only be described as pure heartbreak. 

“You, you wish you never met me?”

Nine years. 

Nine years since they’ve been best friends, three since they dated. Nine years where they have shared love, loss, sweat and tears. They went to school together, graduated together, went to college together. Jisung spent half of his life with him. Did it really mean nothing to him? Was he that unlovable? Did Chenle really hate him that much, for all this time?

To the latter’s horror, Jisung violently tugs at his index finger, pulling at it until a small ring shows up in the palm of his hand. Without hesitating, he slams it on the table next to the bed, fingers a glaring red from the sheer force of the removal. 

A symbol of their relationship, a gift from Chenle for their second anniversary. A beautiful, clear peridot seated in a band of silver, the perfect promise ring for their blooming relationship. Under the cherry blossoms, Jisung had picked him up and spun him around, smiling at him as if he held the stars. Hands intertwined, with matching rings, they ran down the Han River, giggling like the naive, innocent teenagers they were. A ring that was supposed to symbolise a love that would survive from the tender age of eighteen, all the way until the day they died. 

Chenle starts to sob, heart caught in his throat as he stretches out his hand, but Jisung moves away, gathering everything in his reach as he slowly heads for the door, back turned.

“Fine, if that’s how you feel, let’s break up then.” his voice wavers “Even better, don’t contact me, ever. You’ll never have to see me again.” 

Chenle suddenly feels everything and nothing. Overwhelming devastation and an empty numbness, a drop to his feet and static in his brain. Jisung looks at him through the mirror by the door and his heart rips out of his chest and shatters on the ground. As Chenle loses strength in his legs, he falls onto the carpet, the gravity of his mistake collapses on him. Jisung opens the door and takes a step out, leaving the pieces of his heart behind.

“Sungie. Sungie, no, no, please.” Chenle lays his hand across his own chest as he tries to control his breathing. “I didn’t mean it.” 

Chenle continues to cry, tears hot and painful, and Jisung’s vision starts to blur. Everything hurt. His limbs were like lead to his sides, his cheeks and shirt were wet. Should he feel betrayed? wronged? 

Was it really, just him?

“Just know that I loved you, really.” Jisung chokes out “I loved you more than you could ever know.” 

Chenle weakly pleads with him from the floor, emotionally distraught as he mutters intelligible words, but Jisung ignores him. The door closes with a resounding click.

  
  


He feels everything and nothing. Overwhelming devastation and an empty numbness, a drop to his feet and static in his brain. He doesn’t even think that he has fully processed it.

He couldn’t take Chenle, the boy he would have hung the stars for, continue to wail in grief from behind the door either. A part of him wanted to run back in and take it all back, while another part just wanted to go far, far away, no matter the cost, and in a split second decision, he took the latter.

In a flood of irrationality, he runs down the stairs to the parking lot, flings open the door of his second-hand car and jumps in. Nevermind that he could barely drive in a straight line as he pulls out and drives, arm coming up occasionally to wipe his tears. He just needed to get away, anywhere but the apartment that they shared so many memories in.

He doesn’t really register where he is, or where he is going and to be honest, he doesn’t really care. His knuckles are white as he grips the steering wheel, and his eyes burn, but he powers on as he heads through the intersection. His windows are open, the radio is cranked up to a high and the wind is in his hair, and as he powers through the last intersection, he notes that it looked like a scene out music video or a movie, even with a semi truck accelerating straight towards him. 

He doesn't have time to react. 

His feet aren’t touching the ground anymore, as his car flips, barrels and skids across the roads. He can smell smoke and blood and he can vaguely feel the bones that were positioned in ways they shouldn’t be. He can hear the driver jump out of the truck and run towards him as well as screaming around him from other passersby. For some reason, he isn't as panicked as he should be, just awfully drowsy. As his vision became fuzzy at the edges, he starts to feel a sort of acceptance. He doesn't wish for much, not to be rich, or to be successful, he wasn't conscious enough for that. In his delirious, deoxygenated mind, he can only hope to see Chenle again. In better circumstances, on better terms. Maybe if God was merciful, they could love again in their next life, maybe then, he’ll live his next life with no regrets. He'll be happy then.

And with those thoughts, he closes his eyes and drifts off.

_Jisung Park. Dead on February 14th 3:00pm 2021. Cause: Motor Vehicle Accident_

❤

“Chenle. It’s been a year now, you need to at least start moving on.”

Jeno stares at Chenle from across the table and in turn, the latter stares blankly into his green tea, stirring it mindlessly. Jeno sighs at the lack of response.

“You know, he wouldn’t like to see you like this.” 

The boy freezes for a split second, before resuming again. 

“Have you at least tried to go outside, or talked to the people I sent your way?”

The stirring stops and Chenle rests his cheek onto his now free hand, looking out the window, distant. Jeno hated the way he moved so robotically. So, soullessly. Both boys were his closest friends, almost brothers to him even, and he would be damned if he let himself lose both of them. 

“I did, all five of them, and I sent them away. I don’t need any more friends to kill.”

Jeno raises an eyebrow and sips his coffee carefully. 

“How many times have I told you that you didn’t kill him?”

Chenle scoffs and brushes away his own bangs.

“I might as well have. He meant everything to me Jeno, you know that.”

Jeno, used to the spiel, just continues to sip his coffee. He had to be patient. If he didn't hold out, who would?

“Don’t forget he was my friend too. I grieved also!" he takes a deep breath, trying to control the volume of his voice. "But the difference is that I took steps to accept it. You’ve been like this since last year. He’s not going to come back to life Chenle, no matter how much we mope around.”

Chenle’s elbows abruptly land with a loud crash as he grips onto his own hair with white knuckles, voice tense. Jeno jolts in his seat. 

“Don’t even try to think that you could understand what I’m going through! My last words to him were I wish I never met you! I wish! I never! Met you! Do you know how much guilt comes with every time I fucking breathe because of those words? Do you know that the regret haunts me so much I can’t sleep? If it weren’t for me he would still be alive today! Dancing happily, living his dreams, just, alive like he was supposed to be!” 

Jeno already knew where this was going, and he didn’t like it. He tries again to take deep breaths and stay calm as Chenle leans further onto the table.

“Lele, it was an accident for a reason. He wouldn’t like to see you like this for something that wasn’-” 

“It was so petty too! It was just papers, and me being attention starved.” 

“Chenle! What did I say ab-” 

“He was only twenty Jeno. Twenty! He had so much more to live for and I just… I just took it away from him!”

He focuses on the two peridot rings that adorned Chenle’s ring finger, hidden behind his hair as he clenches and unclenches the damaged strands. A curiosity, and a diversion.

“You should take those off at some point, you know. Put it on a stand, put it in a box or something. Put it where you can’t constantly see it. Doesn’t wearing it just make it more painful?”

Chenle backs away, his outburst abruptly ending as he plays with his ring. It confused Jeno somehow, how volatile Chenle had been since his lover’s death, but he guessed people dealt with loss differently. 

“I need them for an appointment today. I need to try one last time. I’ll take them off and put them away for good after.” 

It was sad really, to see Chenle clutching onto another forlorn attempt destined for failure, but Jeno couldn’t really judge. If he lost his boyfriend so suddenly, he would have been like that too.

“Chenle, those things are scams." he holds the other's hand from across the table, trying to provide solace "No amount of seances, psychics or any of that stuff will bring him back to life, nor provide you with any closure. Give up.”

“No,” Chenle’s lips quiver, as he speaks with a strange amount of conviction, “I need to tell him I love him. Send him off properly.”

Chenle looks determined and when he looked like that, Jeno knew that he wasn’t exactly asking for his permission. He would do it whether he liked it or not, he was just lucky Chenle told him. With that knowledge, He reluctantly accepts defeat and pinches his nose bridge in exasperation.

“Fine, if it doesn’t work, then you are going to let me help you out ok?” 

Chenle nods, his rings shimmering on his finger as they catch a stray ray of sunlight, and to Jeno’s surprise, he teasingly smiles for the first time in months. Jeno revels in the dearly missed sight as he smiles back.

“Yeah. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.”

❤

He glances up from the business card, to the building, glances back down to the business card again, then back to the building. The cycle continues for a few minutes as Chenle fails to process the sight in front of him.

Surely, this is the wrong address. 

Through the very, very tall iron gate, he can spot three water fountains, a sprawling garden and too many paved pathways to be mildly practical. He can spot stray golf carts, stray easels, and a strange horse. The house almost seemed to be rimmed in gold, dominating the horizon line, and Chenle was not amused at all. It reminded him a little too much of his grandparent’s house for him to be comfortable. He repeatedly scans for any indicators that would tell him that, yes, this building specialises in communicating with the dead, not in extravagant commodities, until he feels a tap on his shoulder.

“So, are you going in?”

He can’t say he was proud of the shriek that came out of him, but the stranger doesn’t seem to mind it as he plucks the card from Chenle’s hand. He looked around his age and around his height and was ungodly handsome (Chenle was in mourning, not blind). Most notably though, he was wartless and without a robe and staff. Chenle thought that he might be in the wrong place, but as he turns around to leave, he almost shrieks again as someone grabs his wrist and pulls him in, gates opening with a press of a fob. 

“Yeah, you’re in the right place! I’m Jaemin by the way, Renjun’s inside. But you’re early anyway, and we have no other appointments. So we can have more time together!” 

Chenle lets Jaemin drag him through multiple hallways, gardens, halls and rooms. The other was tatty, a term Chenle had coined for someone who was being chatty due to need, yet also seemed so, so tired at the same time. He empathised heavily. Business requires great sacrifice, he knew it better than anyone as an heir to a conglomerate, but luckily for both of them, the small talk doesn’t last long, as Chenle faces a huge, bright purple door triple the size of him and way bigger than what any sane human reasonably needed. 

Ah, there it is. 

Sadly, he doesn’t get enough time to marvel at the sheer gaudiness of the door. But to his relief, it opens to reveal the stereotype he was expecting. 

Purple curtains with gold details, tall bookshelves and crystal balls line the room. There was everything from tarot cards to cauldrons and he swears he saw eyeballs on one of the shelves. A large, white chaise sits in the middle of the room among the purple and glittery gold along with another boy, nestled comfortably in the love seat opposite.

“That’s Renjun, he’ll help us with your appointment today.” 

The boy turns around and to Chenle’s surprise, he was very handsome too, in a different way to Jaemin, a fairy like charm that didn’t need a robe and a staff to emit a mysterious, magical energy. He sends a nod to acknowledge him as Jaemin ushers Chenle to lean on the chaise. 

From this angle, Chenle notices the clipboard in Renjun’s lap, the owner flipping through the reams of notes he had. He wasn’t sure whether to be creeped out or impressed.

“So from the phone call, I understand that your boyfriend died in a car crash and you want to talk with him.” 

Chenle just nodded affirmatively, a little intimidated by how intently Renjun was staring at him, like he was a peculiarity. 

“Ok, that’s all good then. Do you have the possessions we asked of you?” 

Chenle takes the rings off his finger and hands them to him. Renjun takes the rings and puts them in a pocket watch case with clear plastic replacing the clock face, the absence of a clock allowing him to see the rings clattering inside. He recalls the late-night movies that he watched with Jisung and forms an inkling. 

“Are you going to hypnotise me?” 

Jaemin sits down with a thump, cracking his back as he answers. 

“Sorta, but not really. We do the clock thing, but it’s more a transport spell. By putting an item that has emotional significance to both of you, it allows you to arrive anywhere your boyfriend is, even in death. It’s due to the bonds you made with the object, not by the clock in and of itself. ”

Chenle hums as Renjun hovers above him.

“Are you ready? Actually, you know what, I don’t care." he clicked his fingers and pointed to the timepiece in his hand. "Focus here and count backwards from ten.”

Chenle obeys. 

As he counts down, he finds that the sudden onslaught of drowsiness is also accompanied by a sense of giddiness. To see the love of his life again, to say everything he wanted to say to him. To hug him again, to kiss him again, to talk to him again. To be able to apologise to Jisung to every wrong he did to him. If it worked, it would be a dream come true, a comfort he will be content with for the rest of his life. 

And with that in mind, he closes his eyes.

❤

The next thing he knew, Chenle woke up in front of white door. It was slightly ajar, the light from inside shining in his eyes as he stands up. The breeze is gentle as he opens the door and walks through a small hall, letting his feet take him where he wants to go as he enters a small room by the end of the room. 

In the room, everything was a different shade of white save for the few plants that were placed on and around a lone coffee table. The curtains were translucent and the view was so calming and romantic, all greenery, and with Chenle tearing up at the sight of the person on the other end of the table. It perfectly fit the mood.

“Jisung?” 

Jisung turns around in his chair, picking it up like the adorable person he was and grins, a cheeky one that he’s missed so, so much. Chenle stood mesmerised, taking in the light brown hair blowing in the breeze, white billowy clothes and kind and awkward demeanour he had always loved. He still looked like he hung the stars, healthy, and beautiful. It was as if he never left, as if he was still breathing, as if he was still alive. Without thinking, Chenle leaps into his arms and hugs him tight, relishing Jisung’s giggles of joy.

“Chenle! I was waiting for you!" he fixes Chenle's hair with his fingers as he smiles brighter "Glad you made it!’ 

Chenle beams as he gives Jisung a tighter squeeze before running to his end of the table to sit down, buzzing in elation.

“Ah, this one finally went through! I tried so many times and nothing happened!” 

Jisung chuckles as he heads to his own seat and sits down.

“Oh, the other times, you contacted the other Jisungs. They don’t really have a good filing system here.” he rubs the nape of his neck “My friend Han Jisung received two, and my other one Yoon Jisung received 4, and that’s only the people I know!”

Chenle allows Jisung to fill him in with stories that he missed out, and through very animated storytelling from the other, was relieved with the reassurance that he was ok, had friends, and was overall, happy. He nods along and gives his input when needed, but as Jisung’s story suddenly stops in its tracks, Chenle tilts his head in confusion, gesturing for him to go on. Jisung, in response, awkwardly rubs his arms.

“Gosh, I was so excited to see you that I forgot that you just might have a purpose for trying so hard to visit me.”

Chenle refrains from making a joke about his change in vocabulary as he straightens his back and clears his throat. He’s rehearsed this in his head so many times, yet he still feels unprepared as he finally makes eye contact and speaks. 

  
  
  


“I am so,so sorry for saying all those horrible things to you. You didn't deserve that. I had no excuses for it and I have been repenting ever since," he waves his hand "you know." 

The taller doesn't show any reaction other than a hum as he leans back in his chair, arms behind his head.

"So it's about that huh?"

Chenle plays with his fingers and looks down

"Yeah, I hated the idea that your last words from me were so cruel."

“Well, do you wish we never met?” 

Chenle’s head shot up like a bullet.

“Huh?” 

“Do you wish, genuinely, that we never met?” 

Somehow, it touches Jisung how Chenle doesn't even hesitate, gazing at him with only love and resolve, a sense of relief and closure washes over him as Chenle takes his chance and responds..

“No, never. Sungie, you were my first everything. My first love, my first life long friend, my first confidante. I treasure you more than the world. You mean so much I can't put it into words. I couldn't live without you. ’

The Jisung of a year before would have been stunned into silence, but now, he didn't really know. He leans back into his chair and closes his eyes.

“Then there’s your answer. But, Lele, just because I'm your first doesn't mean I have to be your last. We were young when I died. Wasting your life grieving over a lost lover in their twenties isn't going to make anyone happy. I rather you forget me, love again, and die a jolly old man than remember me and be utterly miserable for the rest of your days. You have more to live for than that.” 

Chenle feels a weird mix of pride, confusion and pain as he processes those words. He knows that one can gain an infinite amount of wisdom once they reach heaven, but he never thought that it could happen to his little Jisungie. The sweet, sensitive and lovable boy had grown up and started to form his own experiences without him there. Jisung laughs at Chenle's puzzled look and fills him in. 

"God's an interesting tea partner, it's his pearl of wisdom." he giggles "Won an hour with him in a raffle."

Chenle raises his eyebrow, questioning the semantics of teatime with an all knowing deity, but in his peripheral vision, he spots that his skin has taken on a translucent quality. He snaps his head up and quickly notices the roof starting to chip and fall apart at the edges. At that realisation, rightfully, he freaks out.

" **Sungie?"**

"Ah," Jisung ignores the pale translucent white of Chenle's skin, his voice nonchalant, "that means we're running out of time. Guess I've got to wrap this up." he puts up a peace sign "Speedrun." 

Chenle would laugh as Jisung takes a comically deep breath, but listening to someone while there was the looming threat of falling debris hitting his head was just as hard as it sounds.

"Listen to Jeno and move on. I'm not going to come back to life any time soon, and you can always visit me when it's your time to die." Rocks start to form a barrier between them as he continues. "Go meet new people, he's right when he said I don't want to see you miserable. I died due to my own stupidity, not due to the argument! I'm sorry about what I said to you too and I love you lots!" 

The room starts to fall apart at the seams, revealing a white void. All the plants dissipate, the coffee tables fall down to unimaginable depths and he doesn't even want to know what's happening to the rest of the room. But as he freefalls through the abyss, he can't help the wash of relief that flood through him. A sense of fulfilment at the reassurance that Jisung had no regrets. It was liberating in a way. Although Chenle can only see his eyes now and his own body had become transparent, he cups his mouth, gathers his voice and screams. Screams something he had wanted to say to Jisung for a year, something that he wanted Jisung to know and keep with him.

Screams something that this time, he meant from the bottom of his heart.

**"I love you too! More than you could ever know!"**

**Author's Note:**

> I tried a new writing style and tried new scenes and concepts I haven't really experimented with before. This is the first time that I have written something so raw, so in a way, I'm proud of this work. I had a lot of fun writing this and playing with the characters and the complexities of relationships. I learned a lot from this, so I hoped you enjoyed it though it's not my usual style!


End file.
